Seven

“That would indeed be something.” If I knew Sabrina, her mind was racing trying to figure out the best way to represent this idea in her artwork.

“I really think it would work. But we’ve got more pressing matters at hand right now. Let’s see, I mentioned Betsy’s betrayal, the stupid gallery and the even stupider Ralph. Other than that, there is the continued issue of never being able to find pants that are long enough for me. I’m almost regretting the fact that I didn’t choose to be a Bohemian style artist who could wear peasant skirts and have four inches of crochet hanging off the bottom of my bell bottom jeans.”

Looking at Sabrina, you’d never guess that she was an artist. She looked more like a fashion magazine editor or corporate lawyer, in her power suits and Manolo Blahniks. In public, anyway. While she was working, she inexplicably tended more towards velour track suits. Tonight she was dressed down – sweats and a T-shirt, with her long red hair pulled back in a thick braid. Sabrina approached fashion as if she were dressing for a role in a play or movie. It really was a wonder that the drama queen was an print artist, not a stage artist.

“But that’s about it. I guess that makes it your turn, Betsy.”

“Oh! Let me! Betsy, what is the matter with you?”

“My problems are numerous. Let me tell you a few”

Some weeks I really looked forward to these Bitch Bash sessions. They offered a really good chance to get things off of my mind without worrying about people thinking I was a bore or just excruciatingly annoying. Tonight, however, what was weighing most heavily on my mind was the one thing that I’d been told not to talk about. That didn’t mean that there were not other things bothering me, though!

“Let’s see. We can start with the fact that my younger sister just got married to her ideal man. This is unfair on so many different levels, that I don’t know where to start. I’ll just say that I thought the perfect man was a myth until her Henry came along. Damn him. Hannah and Henry. Gag me. If I didn’t love her so much, I’d puke.

Sticking with the wedding issues, I was forced to see my mother again, whom you know I also love dearly, but who has managed, in the last six months since Hannah announced her engagement, to perfect, perfect, her ‘what’s the matter with you, why are you single’ stare. She can reduce me to a puddle by a mere look.”

Edie laughed. “Hon, I know you think you’ve got it bad, but think of my mother. Here is her only daughter, dumped a few weeks shy of the altar because she got knocked up by her gay friend.”

“Yeah, and my mother is dead.” Sabrina chimed in.

“Your mother is not dead, Brina, and you know she’d kill you if she heard you saying that. Just because she moved to Arizona does not mean that she died, or that she abandoned you. And, yes, Edie, I’m sure your mother is much harsher than mine. But please, you guys!” my voice had slipped into the whiny range, “It’s my turn.”

“Sorry, Betsy, go on.”

“I will, thank you, Edie.” I shot a glare towards Sabrina, but it was lost on her, as she was busy licking her bowl clean. “Brina, I hope that’s not what you’re planning on doing to impress Eddy on Tuesday.”

“Of course not!” she said, putting down her bowl, “First I knock him out with my good looks and brilliant wit. It isn’t until the third date that I throw him for a loop by licking my plate clean. You wouldn’t believe the effect it has on guys.”

Edie and I both joined her in laughter. Though we had all learned that there was something to be said about being yourself on dates, there were some lines that even Sabrina wouldn’t cross. Not at first anyway.

“You’re just trying to distract me from my bitching now, aren’t you?”

“Can you blame me, Betsy?” Sabrina said, “Beyond the wedding, you have had the same basic list of complaints since we were 22!”

“Well, they continue to bother me!” I protested.

“Then why don’t you do anything about it?” Sabrina inquired. By this point, Edie was already up and collecting the bowls. She didn’t handle conflict well, even though this was almost a weekly occasion between me and Sabrina.

“Come on, guys,” she said, trying to soothe us both, “let’s hear what Betsy has to say. Maybe she’s got something new this week,” she continued hopefully.

“Et tu, Edie? That hurts!”

“Well, Betsy, she really does have a point,” Edie said. “You know we love hearing about your problems, but sometimes you just have to… do something about it. You know? Anyone want more ice cream?”

“Okay, Bets. Tell me what you were going to bitch about this week.”

I looked at my lap as I mumbled, “Well, really, the same things as always. The idiocy of men in general, and my boss in particular, as well as my hatred of my job.”

Sabrina threw her hands up in the air and sighed. “Darling girl, it is time to take some action. I would say the first thing you should do is quit that awful job. No one should be treated the way that man treats you. And, if I had to make a prediction, I’d say that as soon as you get that weight off of your shoulder, the large chip perched atop it shall crumble away, and men will flock to you. Men can’t resist a girl who doesn’t scowl at them all the time.”

“I don’t scowl!” I objected.

Sabrina just looked at me.

“Well, I don’t scowl at all men, anyway. I almost never scowl at Boy Scouts or the elderly. But, hey! When did this turn into lecture Betsy night?”

“Come on, sweetie,” Edie said coming back into the room munching a cookie, “you know it’s not like that. But Sabrina and I have been worried about you, lately. It seems like you’re stuck in a rut. Something needs to change, or you’re going to be one of those really bitter women who wears bulky sweaters and alienates everyone and form strange relationships with their cats.”

I gave a pointed look to the fat cat curled up on the back of the sofa.

“Yes, I have a cat, but Ginger doesn’t count. She was a gift from Mitchell, and I only have one.” Edie said, somewhat defensively.

“The point, Betsy,” Sabrina said, “is that you need to take care of yourself. You can’t keep sitting around complaining that your boss is the Antichrist and that all men within a hundred mile radius of you have brains the size of walnuts. When was the last time you went on a date?”

“A date? Like dinner and a movie date?” I scoffed.

“Yes, dinner and a movie, or a picnic or a walk… anything involving you and a guy that doesn’t involve work or the grocery check out boy.”

“It’s been a while, I guess.” A long while actually. I hadn’t been on an official date for over a year, and that one was just because Sabrina’s date’s old college roommate was in town and they needed a fourth person for a dinner cruise. The roommate used chewing tobacco and spent half spitting over the boat railing, and the other half of the night hitting on the waitress.

“But, why, Betsy? Why aren’t you dating?” Edie inquired.

“Well, no one asks me out, for one thing.”

“Thus bringing be back to the scowling. If you stopped scowling so much, you might find out that guys can be pretty friendly.”

“Says the super model look alike! You think that those same guys would flock to an average looking five foot seven blob?”

“One, you’re not a blob; two, you’re not average looking; and three, no, the same guys probably wouldn’t flock to you. But there would be guys flocking to you, nonetheless. Believe me.”

I was getting tired of all of the lecturing. I didn’t know where it had all come from. Sabrina and Edie had always just let me complain in the past. I couldn’t figure out what would have set them off this week.

“Alright, alright. I get it. I need to make some changes in my life.”

”Starting with going in to work tomorrow and telling that jerk of a boss of yours just where he can stick his job.”

“But I don’t have anything else lined up! I can’t just go in there and quit without knowing what I’m doing next. I wouldn’t even qualify for unemployment if I quit.”

“Betsy, we know you have enough money saved up to survive for at least fifty years without working.” Edie pointed out. “I have a sneaking suspicion that all the refurbishing you did to your condo recently barely made a dent in your savings.”

Edie was right. I’d learned the value of a dollar early in life. I had started baby-sitting when I was twelve, and saved almost all of my money since that time. Scholarships had paid for most of my college education, and I’d earned the rest of my tuition by working in the library and weekends at the mall. Re-decorating my condo had been one of the first and only splurges I’d allowed myself. I had hoped that shiny new surroundings would inspire me to keep clean and organized. Thus far, it hadn’t worked. But just because I could afford to quit, didn’t mean that I felt comfortable doing it.

“What if I never find another job? I can’t count on the kindness of strangers, and I obviously can’t count on having husband to take care of me.”

“Why not start that book store you’ve always been talking about?” Sabrina asked.

“Yeah, it’s not because you don’t have the money.” Edie added.

“I haven’t found a good place for a store, for one.”

“Have you even looked?”

“Not recently. I’ve been busy.”

“Doing what?” Sabrina asked, skeptically.

“First there was the condo, then Hannah’s wedding.”

“And now?”

“Now… Well, at this exact moment I don’t have anything stopping me. But the holidays are coming up, and that is always a busy time.”

“The holidays are not for another six weeks. Unless you count Halloween as a holiday.” Edie pointed out. I glared at her in response.

“What is this? Did you guys get together and decide to stage an intervention?” I saw them share a guilty look. “You did! I can’t believe it! I thought you guys were my friends.”

“We are. We’re just worried about you,” Edie said, trying to soothe me. “You’ve just seemed so down in the dumps lately. We didn’t really stage an intervention, or anything. We were just talking before you got here, and figured maybe it was time we said something to try to kick you into action.”

“I will take action when I’m ready to take action.” I realized how defensive I sounded, but I did feel like I was being attacked. “Listen, you guys, I really appreciate that you care about me this much. I know that I’ve been kind of a grump lately, but a lot of that had to do with Hannah getting married. Now that that is over, I’m sure I’ll start to perk up. Just give me time. I’ll be better, I promise.”

Sabrina looked doubtful, but they both agreed to accept my promise.

The rest of the evening was relatively uneventful. We played a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit, which Edie won as always. I have always had a sneaking suspicion that she used the game cards as lesson planning tools for her second graders, but had yet to prove it.

The evening ended with me and Sabrina trying to feel the baby kick. We had yet to be successful in feeling what Edie claimed was an almost constant occurrence. Fred was sure that she was going to give birth to a future professional soccer player.

“Goodnight, Edie, darling.” I said as I was on my way out the door.

“Nighty night, Betsy. Hey! Where’d you get that great charm bracelet? It’s so unusual.”

“Oh, this?” I had already forgotten all about Fatima and the journey I was supposed to be undertaking. “It was a gift from an old friend.” I was glad that Sabrina had already left or she’d want to know who the old friend was. Edie didn’t probe any further.

“I like it. It looks good on you. Anyway, please do remember that we care about you, dear, and that we’re going to kick your butt if you don’t do something to make yourself happy!”

“Thank you, Edie. You guys really are the best. But I’d like to see you try to kick my butt! I’m trained in judo, I’d like to remind you.”

Edie laughed, “Doing Tae Bo does not count as training in judo!”

“You may be right, but I can do a pretty mean side kick, upper cut combo, so watch out!”

“I’ll remember that! See ya, hon.” Edie called out as she shut the door.