Twelve

After lunch with John, I decided that I’d had enough excitement for one day, so I just headed straight home. My cell phone light was on, indicating that I had missed a call from Edie while I was eating. Apparently my phone hadn’t worked in the sushi bar, either. I made a mental note to myself to call her back later. She would be happy to hear my news, too, both about the job and John.

But first, I decided that a good bath was in order. I celebrated all major moments in my life, good or bad, with a nice long bath. It provided a good time to reflect about all of the things that had led up to the big event in the first place.

As I soaked, up to my chin in lilac scented bubbles, I thought back to the time right after I had first accepted the job I just quit. I had been twenty three at the time, a little over a year out of college, and finding it very difficult to find a job that I could stick with long term.

The best thing I had found was through a temp agency – they had placed me in a large pharmaceutical company, as a receptionist. I had worked there for three months, and while I hadn’t fallen in love with the job, I left it feeling like I could do that kind of work for longer than a few months. One week later, I’d found the advertisement with Gallus Pharmaceuticals.

Three rounds of interviews later, Mr Boggs himself had called to offer me the job. The pay was outstanding, with full benefits, as well. It had seemed like a dream come true. The night before my first day, I had taken a long soak in the bath tub of the apartment I had been sharing with Nikki, the Roommate from Hell.

That particular bath, I remember, had been less than relaxing, as Nikki had invited one of her numerous boyfriends over for a rousing game of Nikki the French Maid Needs a Spanking. Looking back now, I should have taken that as a sign and never have bothered going in for work that first day.

But I had, and now here I am, just over three years later, taking a celebratory bath in my very own condominium. With no French maids anywhere in the vicinity. Definitely a good sign.

I was out of the tub, sitting on my couch, with my bathrobe wrapped snugly around me and John’s note in my hand when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I said, wondering if my thinking about John had magically conjured his call.

“Betsy! Where have you been? I’ve tried calling you every five minutes for the last half hour.” It was Sabrina, and she sounded like she was in panic mode.

“Sorry, Brina. I was in the tub celebrating my freedom. What’s the matter?”

On the other end of the phone, I could hear her trying to hold back tears as words tumbled quickly out of her mouth, “Edie wasn’t feeling well today, so she went home early, but then she decided that she wanted some bubble gum ice cream, and she couldn’t get anyone on the phone, so she went out to get it herself, and she was hit by a car!” Sabrina almost wailed this last bit.

I felt the color drain from my face. “What? Oh my God, is she okay? Where are you? I’m coming right now.”

“I don’t know how she is doing. The doctors haven’t told us yet. Jack and Fred are here. Fred is freaking out, of course, and Jack is just sitting staring at the wall like a zombie. I need you here, Betsy. Please hurry. We’re at St. Mary’s.”

“I’ll be right there.” I took a moment to stick John’s note to my refrigerator with an “I Love New York” magnet, and then rushed to my room to get dressed. I was out the door five minutes later.

Traffic was awful on the way to the hospital, of course. Or maybe it was just that I was so anxious. It was a little early for the worst of rush hour yet. I finally made it to the parking ramp, and into the hospital lobby. From there I had to figure out where the emergency room was, and where they were keeping Edie and my friends. I finally found Sabrina and the boys, forty minutes after leaving my place.

Fred was standing by the window, with his head in his hands, his whole body racked with sobs. Jack was sitting silently in a chair across the room from him, staring down at the floor. Sabrina was standing between them, looking like a lost little girl, with tears streaming down her face.

“What’s going on? Have you heard anything?” I feared the worst.

After a moment of silence, Sabrina came over to me. “Edie is going to be fine, honey.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God.” But the feeling in the room was not one of relief, and I felt a chill run down my spine. “Oh, no. The baby.”

Quietly, Sabrina said, “The car hit her right across the abdomen, and she was thrown ten feet. She went into labor. She delivered a tiny baby boy. They weren’t able to save him.”

“Oh my God. How is she doing? Have you seen her?”

“Not yet. She’s in recovery.. I don’t even know if she knows about the baby yet.”

“Has someone called Mitch?” We spent a lot of time bad mouthing Edie’s old fiancé, but I was certain that he’d want to know about this accident.

“I called him about forty minutes ago. Right after I talked to you. He wasn’t there, so I left a message.”

“And Jack and Fred?” I said, nodding to Jack by the window, his back to us. “How are they doing?” Neither had acknowledged my arrival. I knew they must be in shock at this point.

“Not well. The doctor that came in and told us, he didn’t know that they were the fathers. He just assumed that the father was not here. So he was very matter of fact about it. He was just like ‘Your friend will be okay, but she lost her baby. She’ll need all of your support during this troubling time.’ Then he left. Jack has not stopped sobbing, and Fred is totally despondent.”

“Oh, Brina, this is just horrible.” I couldn’t think of anything else to do or say. Sabrina and I just stood there, watching Fred and Jack, waiting for one of them to do something first.

Soon, Fred did start muttering something under his breath, but I couldn’t hear what it was from across the room.

Apparently Jack had, though. He whipped around from the window and started shouting, “Where was I? Where was I? Where were you? That’s what I want to know. Why should it have been my responsibility to answer the phone. I was busy.”

“Busy doing what?” Fred hissed back at him, “Busy shopping at the mall? Or was this your afternoon of the all important Chick Flick Musical fest? Huh? Which was it? Because where ever you were, you were not at home when Edie called. If you had been there, this would not have happened!”

“Oh, and I suppose she just neglected to call you at your office out of forgetfulness? No, of course not. How could she ever call you there again, when the one time she did, you left her stranded on the side of the road for forty minutes until the tow truck came.”

“I couldn’t leave work that day! She knew that!” Fred exploded.

“Yes, she knew that. I do, too. Mr. Big and Important can’t be bothered at work, he’s too big and important. He can’t do anything as simple as going out to get the woman carrying his child some fucking bubble gum ice cream, can he?”

“I told you before, Mr. Can’t Hold Down A Job To Save His Life, or to provide for his future child-“ Fred broke down here, his face crumpling for a moment. Then he shook himself and continued, “I told you. She didn’t call me. There was no fucking way I could have known that she wanted the fucking ice cream.”

Fred and Jack glared at each other for a few seconds, then Fred grabbed his coat from the back of the chair in which he’d been sitting, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

As soon as the reverberations of the door slam had cleared, Jack slumped into a chair near where he’d been standing.

“He was right,” Jack whispered. “I should have been there. I was out at Baby Gap, just looking at the little baby coats. I didn’t want to buy one yet, since we didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl. But I just wanted to be prepared, so that it could be stylish. So that he could be stylish.” Jack started weeping quietly. “I should have been there.”

Sabrina kneeled on the floor in front of Jack. “Honey, this is not your fault. This isn’t any one’s fault. Edie called me, too, and I wasn’t there to answer either. I’m sure she called Betsy, too.” Sabrina looked over her shoulder at me for confirmation. I nodded, remembering the message still waiting on my cell phone. “And Betsy didn’t answer either. This is no one’s fault. Please don’t blame yourself.”

…Betsy didn’t answer either. This phrase started echoing in my head, growing in volume until all I could hear was an army of people accusing me, blaming me. I didn’t answer. Instead, I was flirting with a cute doctor over sushi. I didn’t answer. And now the baby was dead. Because I didn’t answer. I didn’t answer.

Suddenly, I found that I couldn’t breathe. A huge lump was forming in my throat, and my vision was starting to go hazy.

“Excuse me,” I said hastily as I turned and ran out of the room.

Right outside the door, I literally ran into Mitch. He looked like he’d been hit by a car, instead of Edie. His normally well groomed blonde hair looked like some sort of animal had been nesting in it, and his nose and eyes were bright red. Almost as if he’d been crying.

“Is she okay?” He choked out.

“She’s fine. She lost the baby.” That was all I could manage to spit out before a feeling of nausea overtook me. “Gotta run” I said as I sprinted down the hall, shoving past a few orderlies pushing a cart full of medicine. I heard someone call after me, asking if I needed help. What I needed was to get away. I finally found a stair well, and burst through the door. I leaned over the rail and burst into tears.

I looked at the signs in the stair well. If I went up, I could get to the roof; down led to the exit. My bracelet jingled as I tried to decide which would meet my most immediate needs better.

Oh, my God. The bracelet. I can change this. I can make this better.
A feeling of anxious excitement almost overwhelmed me as I dashed up the stairs to the roof. As soon as I’d reached it, and went out through a door that was obviously not put there for me to go through.

“Fatima!” I shouted to the winds, “I wish to change my fate! I wish to change my fate! I wish to change my fate!”

I stood waiting for her to appear with her customary puff of smoke. Instead, she rode in on a big lavender parachute strapped over a peach colored sequined jump suit. I didn’t waste time asking her why she’d chosen to make her entrance that way. I didn’t even wait until she’d disentangled herself from the parachute.

“I can’t remember what my last choice was. Are you allowed to tell me? What was the last choice I made?”

“Hold on, child. I can’t concentrate with this contraption thingy on my head.” Fatima snapped her fingers and the parachute disappeared. “Oh, and I forgot about this ugly thing,” she said, indicating the jumpsuit, “Horrible nasty thing. Makes my butt look enormous. But one can’t very well sky dive in a ball gown now, can they?” She snapped her fingers again, and her sequin jumpsuit was replaced by her normal attire.

“Now,” she said, sitting at the café table that had appeared with her second snap. “Sit down, have some tea, and tell me what the problem is.”

I sat down, but I left the tea sitting, steaming on the table. “Edie, my friend, lost the baby she was carrying. And Jack and Fred, the fathers are so devastated that they’re fighting, and they never fight. It’s awful. Just awful, and it is all my fault.” I started crying.

Fatima snapped her fingers and a box of Kleenex appeared on the table. “You seem to have lost me somewhere there. How is this your fault?”

“She called me. And I didn’t answer, because I was eating sushi with John. If I had answered, I could have gotten her ice cream, and she wouldn’t have been hit by the car, and everything would be fine.” I sniffed.

“So, you are planning on changing this?”

“Of course I am. Edie can’t lose the baby. She just can’t.” I shook my head, and let my forehead fall to the table. All of this emotion was exhausting. After a moment, I picked my head back up. Fatima sat watching me, a motherly expression on her face. “I just can’t remember what the last decision was that I made.”

Fatima clapped her hands, and a small book appeared on the table. On the cover was the same symbol of a person surrounded by circles that was on my charms. It was very similar to my guidebook, save for my name engraved on the cover of this book.

“This is a record of the decisions you’ve made so far this week,” Fatima informed me. “Let’s see. The last decision you made was whether to go up or down the stairs.”

“I don’t want to change that decision!” I cried, “What good would that do me? No, go back more. What did I decide before that?”

“Well, let’s see. There is what scent of bubble bath you wanted to use, which direction to turn on 11th Street, which radio station to turn to – I see you chose the Oldies station – good choice, that is my favorite, too.”

“Fatima! Please! I don’t care about the radio station right now.”

“Sorry, dear. Okay, before the radio, you… decided whether or not to give John your number, picked which sushi rolls you wanted at the sushi bar, chose between the sushi bar and the diner…”

“Oh, God.” I said. “That’s it. That’s the last choice I made before the phone call.”

“That is the one you wish to change, then?”

“It has to be. I know my phone works at the diner, I’ve been there tons of times before. If I had been eating there, I would have answered. I would have been happy to bring Edie her ice cream. She’d be fine now.”

“Okay, then. It all sounds perfect! Here we go.”

“Wait!” I shouted, standing up and knocking over the delicate café chair in which I’d been sitting.

“What is it, dear?”

“If I go to the diner, I won’t meet John.”

“That’s right, you won’t meet John at the sushi bar if you go to the diner.”

I won’t meet John at the sushi bar. I closed my eyes, feeling for the first time just how much I’d liked him. I could not remember ever having met someone with whom I’d clicked so immediately. Ever. Not even with my female friends.

I opened my eyes and looked at Fatima. “Is there such thing as love at first sight?” I asked her.

She smiled at me. “Love at first sight? You tell me.”

“I didn’t. But today, I met this man. John. And he was really… good.”

“And you won’t meet him today if you change this decision.”

“Right,” I said, pacing across the gravel ground of the hospital roof, “but if I don’t, Edie loses her baby and Fred and Jack might break up. They’re the ones that make me believe in true love.

“Well, my dear. You are, indeed in quite a pickle, aren’t you?”

“No. Not really,” I knew what had to be done. “I have to choose true love, and life over love at first sight. Of course I do. I wish that I had gone to the diner instead of the sushi bar.”

“Very well then, please give me your charm.”

“Will I remember him,” I asked quietly as I took off the charm.

“That’s part of the experience, honey. You know what happens in your other existences. Yes, you will remember him.”

“Good.”

Fatima took the charm and snapped her fingers.